Originally posted on August 3rd, 2008 on Myspace.
What an incredibly long time nine months is! There is so much time to think and plan. I guess that is why we have it. I think it takes that long to mentally prepare for what is about to happen to your life and even then I think you probably still aren’t completely prepared for what comes. It seems that I have spent the last nine months reading pregnancy books that tell me what is happening to my body each week, what is normal and what is not, and what to be doing to prepare for this new life that we are bringing into the world. I have not (up until a couple of weeks ago) been spending my time thinking about how this new life was going to come into the world. It seemed like something I could put off and besides that was the scary part of this whole deal…we made this baby and soon he was going to have to come out of me. I think like most women (and men) in our society I have not personally experienced a birth and know what I do know of it is from television and movies. Natural childbirth has especially been presented as something that is terrifying and painful. Obviously the vision of a woman screaming in pain, breaking her husband’s hand is not appealing to anyone and may cause some anxiety when pondering your own child’s birth. So that is how I entered my third trimester…with a healthy and probably normal fear of giving birth to my son and that is how I began Labor and Delivery classes at Evergreen Hospital...thinking I would try for natural childbirth but if I couldn’t do it there was always the epidural. For 5 weeks Drew and I went and learned about “Labor and Delivery”. Honestly what we learned was more equivalent to a hospital orientation on how labor and delivery occurs there at Evergreen (and probably most hospitals). I didn’t feel we learned anything about how our bodies labor and why or what to expect as normal in the process. We were taught about pain medication options and ways of extracting our child if he got stuck (forceps and vacuum—things I thought weren’t used as often anymore but I wrong). We were taught how to attempt different positions for comfort but were also told that when and if I got pain medications those options were no longer available and I would need to stay in bed for monitoring and other safety reasons. We were shown about c-sections and told statistics about the hospital. Only 10% of women give birth naturally, 90% are medicated in some way (which explains the lack of focus on what happens to our bodies in labor), and 34% have c-sections. Really??? One is three women can’t have their baby on there own without surgery. That seemed alarming to me. What was happening that made it so we couldn’t deliver our babies? Don’t get me wrong. C-sections are a wonderful option when there is something seriously wrong and a healthy baby and momma is always the #1 goal but why was it so high of a percentage. I began to wonder after our last class and I began as I do for many things to do some research about this childbirth thing before I actually was going to try to do it. I needed to know why it was so hard, what was going to happen to my body (and my son’s), and what I could do to improve my chances of avoiding major interventions and surgery.
So I began reading and talking to my friends who have had children. I talked to doctors. In the end what I found out was a bit alarming to me (maybe not to everyone but to me). I am a huge believer in being a mindful consumer and citizen and not always taking what is put before me in this culture. I teach my students to be critical thinkers who ask why whenever things are put before them especially when a red flag goes up in their minds. I teach them about Plato’s Allegory of The Cave (see video below for those not familiar) which helps them to better understand that there is reality and then there is the reality we are presented by many different “others” in this society (usually advertising is the focus in my classroom). It is there job to constantly question the reality they are presented and search out the truth or true reality. It isn’t always easy because often there is a structure or system at play that is much larger than one person and often everyone else (like you before) are a part of it without knowing. That is why the allegory is so great as it helps you to see that you are in charge of finding reality for yourself and that you can try to educate those around you but ultimately it is up to them to do the same and find the reality on their own. You can’t make someone change their mind or do anything. They have to want to or be open to it. Anyway…I am going way to in depth about philosophy. Sorry but I hope it helps put this in my perspective of how I arrived at this decision.
I won’t go into the details of my many readings and interviews, like I said everyone has to find their own way and make choices that best suit their life but I am willing to share it if you ask and I will make them available here if you want to look into it on your own. I am never one to judge or close my mind to other perspectives. I think that all women who carry and have a baby are amazing and have done a miraculous thing. I admire everyone who shared their birth stories with me as I tried to find my own path. This includes my mother, mother in law, and so many of you…my close friends. All of your personal experiences with the birth(s) of your children really shaped my thoughts on this process and showed me that there is no one “right” way to give birth…there is just your way as our bodies and minds are as unique as we are. In the end you are all amazing mothers.
With that in mind…here is my change of plans decision. I will not be giving birth at Evergreen Hospital as planned. I will be giving birth to my son Jaxon at Eastside Birth Center in Bellevue with a midwife and a doula present. I encourage you to do a little bit of research into this before you quickly question or judge my decision. Find out exactly what I am doing and why before making assumptions or judgments. Ask me questions…please! Trust that you know me and know that I would never do anything to harm myself or my child. Trust that I thought long and hard about this and did lots of research before deciding on this for myself.
I want to thank my husband for being the most supportive and amazingly open-minded person. When I said “honey, I don’t think I want to have the baby at the hospital”, your response was exactly what I needed to hear…“OK…why?” and then you listened to me with genuinely curious ears. I am so fortunate to have you as a partner. I love that you truly understand me as a person and trust me completely. I love you so much.
I want to thank our families for trusting us in making this decision. Knowing that you support us and educated yourselves on our decision means a lot to us.
Finally, I want to thank those of my friends I have told in person so far. You have been a sounding board and have asked all the right questions. You listened to me while I thought out loud and processed all of the information in my head. You are supportive and happy for me…and I think are very curious (like me) as to how this will go. Thank you for supporting me without judgment.
Stay tuned for Jaxon’s birth story.
"The Business of Being Born"--A great documentary that won many film festival awards and summarizes much of my research behind my decision. I own it if you would like to borrow it.
My midwife answering frequently asked questions. :)
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