All day today I have been thinking about this year and how quickly it has gone by now that I am at the end of it but during the year it seemed to go by so slowly. It seems I spent most of the year waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting...to meet Jaxon. All I did was imagine what he looked like, what he would be like, what my life would be like, etc. I never wanted something to be here so badly as my son. I have always wanted children though I always knew it would be near my 30th birthday. I had many things I wanted to do and have accomplished first and I was fortunate enough to have done those things first (spend alone time with Drew, travel, get my Masters, etc.). So by the time I got pregnant I felt like I had been waiting forever to meet him but really it was only 38 weeks. Many things happened to my body and mind during that 38 weeks. I was very ill for the first trimester, very happy and excited for the second trimester, and went through a change of mind about my birth experience in the third trimester. The thing I am most proud of was the birth experience I planned for myself and Jaxon. I still think that everyone needs to do whatever way that makes sense for their lives when it comes to the birth of their children. No two births are the same even with the same mom. For me it was important to have it be as natural as I could while being safe. I wanted to be present in mind and body during this life changing event. I wanted to be cognizant of his birth and I wanted to be alert and mobile during our first hours and days together. I wanted him to be the same and to have the best start possible for this life of his. I was fortunate in that it all went to plan and Jaxon & I had an amazing birth experience. I still can't believe I left the birth center 4 hours after he was born but that was how amazing the whole experience was.
Ever since Jaxon arrived in August the time has just flown by. I can't recall a time in my life where the time has literally gone by in what seems like a blink of an eye. I remember him coming early which totally fits with his personality now that I know him. He is full of life and curiosity, constantly attempting things beyond his age with a fierce stubbornness and a of course a mild frustration in the beginning at his lack of ability to be successful. He is impatient and wants to be in total control of his body, his life, and his place in the world (sounds like his mother in that respect). It seems so obvious to me now that my son would show up 2 weeks early to this show called life. And I am so glad he did because I, like him, am impatient for the events in my life to unfold. It also meant that I got to spend two extra weeks with him before going back to work and yes...I am a little greedy about my time with him. I look forward to getting to know him and his unique personality more. The better I know who he is and how he operates, the easier it will be for me to guide him through this life. I am a firm believer in accepting your children for who they are versus what you wish they would be.
In his short time here on our planet Jaxon has made quite an impact on those around him. Being the first grandchild on both sides of the family and the first great grandchild on Drew's side has made him the object of everyone's adoration, something that he seems to enjoy and actually he now thinks is the norm for all of humankind, not just our family. Everyone is Jaxon's friend and playmate if they devote their attention to him. This was something that I realized quickly when we were at Children's Hospital this week. Jaxon was so highly social with all the doctors and nurses who were prodding and inspecting him that I couldn't believe it but then after reflection I realized that he has an adult's undivided attention at all times and a wide variety of them at that. He just thinks that it is normal to be passed around to different people who make him laugh and smile at all times. I would say that this concerns me in that I don't want him to be spoiled but then I think what can be so wrong with my child being loved by so many people. The end result so far is a happy and very charming baby. A baby that I am proud to say is mine.
When I think back to last year at this time and all the hope and apprehension about becoming a parent or what kind of parent I would be, I find myself smiling. I have never enjoyed anything more then the challenge of being a parent. It isn't easy but all of the demands and challenges are worth the smiles, giggles, laughs, and looks of love that your child gives you. As for my parenting or Drew's, I am so proud of our team effort approach and the fact that Jax has two parents who are deeply involved in his upbringing. It is going better then I could have imagined.
For all the waiting, to get pregnant and to be pregnant, I have to say that it is all entirely worth it. I loved 2008. I have now experienced one of the greatest things I could have done in my life...bringing another life and soul into this world. I loved the whole process. I am excited to see what 2009 brings but I will never forget 2008 and how it was the most life changing year of my life (and it was hard to beat 2007 for that title).
So my quote for to represent this year is one that I have known for years but it now has significance to me. You cannot truly understand the intense love and joy you feel being a parent until you are one. I hope that all those who wish to have this experience are able to do so because it just seems to me to be what we are here to do and life becomes more clearly focused when you have a baby but I am sappy like that.
"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." ~Elizabeth Stone
Happy New Year Everyone!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Wordless Wednesday #8: Look What I Can Do!
Jaxon has begun making attempts to hold his bottle when eating.
Monday, December 29, 2008
20 Weeks Growth Update
While we were at Children's Hospital they weighed Jaxon so I thought I would post his updated weight stats.
He weighed 15.5 pounds (15 pounds 8 ounces). So he gained one pound in two weeks. He is back on his weight gaining schedule (he should gain half a pound a week up till 6 months) since he has been exclusively breastfed again while I have been on vacation. He had dropped a little when I returned to work in December.
We just need to keep him gaining when I go back to work again in January and he is bottle fed during the day again. :)
He weighed 15.5 pounds (15 pounds 8 ounces). So he gained one pound in two weeks. He is back on his weight gaining schedule (he should gain half a pound a week up till 6 months) since he has been exclusively breastfed again while I have been on vacation. He had dropped a little when I returned to work in December.
We just need to keep him gaining when I go back to work again in January and he is bottle fed during the day again. :)
Sunday, December 28, 2008
A Seizure?
So today was the scariest day I have had as a mommy. After playing with Jax all morning and taking a 2.5 hour nap together, he got up refreshed and ready to play some more. We played for about 2 hours together. During that time Grandma Cindy showed up and she played with him too. Right before his next nap I decided to feed him. He breastfed for about 10 minutes before drifting off to sleep. Then it happened. He began to shake. His whole upper body shook and shook. Then it stopped as quickly as it started. I tried to get my mom's attention before it ended but she didn't see it. We decided to watch him a few minutes and a couple of minutes later it began again only worse. He shook from head to toe. I picked him up and he tried to open his eyes but seemingly couldn't. He began to cry but kept shaking. After about 20-25 seconds after it started it stopped again. He stopped crying and was wide awake. I was shaken and scared. I looked at my mom and asked what she thought. We decided to call Jax's pediatrician. She called right back. We took his temperature (he had no fever) and because of the lack of fever she recommended that we go to Children's Hospital to be on the safe side. She didn't think it was serious but to make us all feel better she sent us anyway...just in case.
I called Drew and he came right home from work. We drove straight there. We got there around 3:30 in the afternoon. They checked us pretty quickly as my doctor had called ahead for us. We waited for an hour or so and then several different doctors came in over an hour period to examine him in different ways. The first did a general check of his body and head including a rectal temperature, eyes & ears, and breathing. The next checked his head pretty thoroughly. Then the next did an EKG on him (tough to do since he constantly moves and they need stillness/silence to get an accurate reading). After that the final doctor came in and explained to us what they thought or concurred happened.
This was the diagnosis:Benign Non-Epileptic Myoclonus--Age 4 months to 3 Years--"MYOCLONUS is a brief involuntary muscle jerk originating in the central nervous system. It is a paroxysmal (convulsive) event that may appear as an isolated finding or as a symptom of many diseases. Myoclonus affects all age groups and may be so severe as to be disabling or may be mild and require no treatment." Jaxon's does not appear to be epileptic so he would be classified as Benign Non-Epileptic Myonconus as opposed to the Epileptic version.
Basically they said some babies display seizures at certain points in their brain development and they do not return. They can be mild and do not bother the infant. No other disorder or syndrome seems to be present or to blame. Most babies outgrow them by toddlerhood. All people have some form of Myoclonus especially when going to sleep or waking up (think arm/leg jerking upon relaxation or Rapid Eye Movement). Jaxon's was more pronounced possibly due to increased brain growth or activity at this point in his life or because he is such a highly active baby. Basically we were told it was nothing to be concerned about and that if it happened again to hold him and help him get out of it if possible with stimulation. Due to the fact that it occurred on both sides of his body they do not think it was a true "seizure" (which is a good thing). Apparently babies under one year of age who have seizures should only have them on one side of the body due to their neurons not being fully formed. Since Jax had a total body episode it appears that he was having a severe form of "sleep jerking" kind of like when your leg jerks as you enter light sleep and not an actual seizure. This is good news as it seems that he does not have serious disorder. We were told to monitor him and continue to take him in for regular check-ups. If at anytime we or our doctor feel concerned about them (if it happens again) then we have the number for a neurologist who will perform an EEG (brain wave monitoring) and more focused diagnosis if needed but that is not recommended at this point.
We were relieved by this news though I am still a little concerned (worrying is in my nature). He is my baby and I want him to be happy and healthy. On a positive note the staff and doctors just loved Jaxon. They said he was the most social and happy-go-lucky baby they have seen in awhile (another reason for his positive diagnosis). He flirted and chatted (in baby talk of course) with everyone he came into contact with. He only cried when we had to remove the super sticky EKG wire holders from his chest but he immediately calmed down and was laughing again within seconds. He is such a good baby even when people are poking and prodding him.
Some precautions or advice we were given:
1.Don't leave him unattended in water (duh) as a seizure in the water could lead to drowning. I think at this point is his life being left alone in water in general could lead to drowning.
2.Caregivers of children who have had seizures should obtain CPR training for infants. I think this is true of all parents or caregivers though I haven't gone yet to get certified. I plan to before Jaxon begins solids though.
So that was our scary afternoon today. He hasn't had another episode since those two occurred. He seemed happy and wanted to play the rest of the evening. I am just trying to think of it right now in the best light--he just had a sleep jerking episode and not let myself get caught up in other forms Myoclonus that are epileptic in nature and are more severe/permanent.
Being a parent is hard on days like these. Now I understand how you would do anything for your baby not to hurt or be ill. All I kept thinking was please let it be nothing. I don't know how parents with severely ill children do it. They are so strong and courageous. Drew and I just kept telling each other it was fine until they told us the diagnosis. Thank God I have such an amazing partner to be there with me.
I am thankful everyday for what I have. I love my family. :)
I called Drew and he came right home from work. We drove straight there. We got there around 3:30 in the afternoon. They checked us pretty quickly as my doctor had called ahead for us. We waited for an hour or so and then several different doctors came in over an hour period to examine him in different ways. The first did a general check of his body and head including a rectal temperature, eyes & ears, and breathing. The next checked his head pretty thoroughly. Then the next did an EKG on him (tough to do since he constantly moves and they need stillness/silence to get an accurate reading). After that the final doctor came in and explained to us what they thought or concurred happened.
This was the diagnosis:Benign Non-Epileptic Myoclonus--Age 4 months to 3 Years--"MYOCLONUS is a brief involuntary muscle jerk originating in the central nervous system. It is a paroxysmal (convulsive) event that may appear as an isolated finding or as a symptom of many diseases. Myoclonus affects all age groups and may be so severe as to be disabling or may be mild and require no treatment." Jaxon's does not appear to be epileptic so he would be classified as Benign Non-Epileptic Myonconus as opposed to the Epileptic version.
Basically they said some babies display seizures at certain points in their brain development and they do not return. They can be mild and do not bother the infant. No other disorder or syndrome seems to be present or to blame. Most babies outgrow them by toddlerhood. All people have some form of Myoclonus especially when going to sleep or waking up (think arm/leg jerking upon relaxation or Rapid Eye Movement). Jaxon's was more pronounced possibly due to increased brain growth or activity at this point in his life or because he is such a highly active baby. Basically we were told it was nothing to be concerned about and that if it happened again to hold him and help him get out of it if possible with stimulation. Due to the fact that it occurred on both sides of his body they do not think it was a true "seizure" (which is a good thing). Apparently babies under one year of age who have seizures should only have them on one side of the body due to their neurons not being fully formed. Since Jax had a total body episode it appears that he was having a severe form of "sleep jerking" kind of like when your leg jerks as you enter light sleep and not an actual seizure. This is good news as it seems that he does not have serious disorder. We were told to monitor him and continue to take him in for regular check-ups. If at anytime we or our doctor feel concerned about them (if it happens again) then we have the number for a neurologist who will perform an EEG (brain wave monitoring) and more focused diagnosis if needed but that is not recommended at this point.
We were relieved by this news though I am still a little concerned (worrying is in my nature). He is my baby and I want him to be happy and healthy. On a positive note the staff and doctors just loved Jaxon. They said he was the most social and happy-go-lucky baby they have seen in awhile (another reason for his positive diagnosis). He flirted and chatted (in baby talk of course) with everyone he came into contact with. He only cried when we had to remove the super sticky EKG wire holders from his chest but he immediately calmed down and was laughing again within seconds. He is such a good baby even when people are poking and prodding him.
Some precautions or advice we were given:
1.Don't leave him unattended in water (duh) as a seizure in the water could lead to drowning. I think at this point is his life being left alone in water in general could lead to drowning.
2.Caregivers of children who have had seizures should obtain CPR training for infants. I think this is true of all parents or caregivers though I haven't gone yet to get certified. I plan to before Jaxon begins solids though.
So that was our scary afternoon today. He hasn't had another episode since those two occurred. He seemed happy and wanted to play the rest of the evening. I am just trying to think of it right now in the best light--he just had a sleep jerking episode and not let myself get caught up in other forms Myoclonus that are epileptic in nature and are more severe/permanent.
Being a parent is hard on days like these. Now I understand how you would do anything for your baby not to hurt or be ill. All I kept thinking was please let it be nothing. I don't know how parents with severely ill children do it. They are so strong and courageous. Drew and I just kept telling each other it was fine until they told us the diagnosis. Thank God I have such an amazing partner to be there with me.
I am thankful everyday for what I have. I love my family. :)
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Jaxon's First Christmas
Here are some pictures from Jaxon's First Christmas. More to come...
Jaxon playing with his new "woobie", a Pendelton and Gund animal blankie from Gary.
Jaxon sitting up in my lap ready to open presents.
Jax playing with wrapping paper.
Jaxon opening his Baby Einstein Baby Signs DVD.
Jax checking out the DVD.
Playing in his jumper while we eat dinner. That is his Great Grandma Mary Alice in town from Arkansas.
Checking out the candle lights on the table.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Snow Day!!!
It snowed all night long and we awoke to beautiful winter wonderland (and no work for mommy). So we dressed Jaxon up in the first outfit I ever bought when I found out I was pregnant (a cute gender neutral white & soft winter outfit) that I dreamed of holding my baby in for the entire length of my pregnancy. Here are the pictures of all of us (both his grandmas and Jax & I) out in the snow.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Saturday, December 13, 2008
18 Weeks/4 Month Update
I took Jaxon in today for his 4 month well baby check up. All is well. We discussed my breastfeeding/pumping goals (6 months or longer), obstacles at work, and ideas for making it less stressful so that I will/can continue. We talked about his food allergy/eczema issues (better but still popping up occasionally). Then we weighed and measured him. Here are his 4 month stats:
Weight: 14 pounds 9 ounces 25th-50th%
Height: 25.25 inches/64 cm 50th-75th%
Head Circumference: 17 inches/43 cm 75th%
He also received his second round of the DTaP and PC Immunizations. He was pretty upset by the shots and was a little cranky when we got home but then he and I went and took a 2.5 hour nap together and he woke up happy again. That reminds me...we discussed his sleeping habits. He was sleeping about 6-7 hours straight at night starting at around 8 p.m. and was only waking up once to eat in the middle of the night (totally manageable) but since I have been at work he as been not going to sleep until 10 p.m. and has been restlessly sleeping and waking up often though not to eat. He still only eats once a night. She said this could be because he wants more mommy cuddle time or because of teething or because of trying to master new developmental skills like sitting up or crawling or all three at once. It is fairly common at four months to go through a sleep regression. She suggested returning to co-sleeping since he has been in his crib. We are thinking about it but will see how the next couple of weeks go.
Finally she said to wait to start solids until 6 months to prevent food allergies. She says this to all her patients (and it is the APA recommendation) but she really suggested it for Jaxon since he seems to already have reactions to food in my breast milk. So I will have to wait to try my baby food making skills for a couple more months. I am so excited to try out my new Beaba Babycook that Shirley got Jax and I for Christmas. We also got some organic baby food cook books and a Fresh Baby So Easy baby food making kit but alas we must wait until it is a good time for Jaxon's health to start solids.
I still can't believe he is four months old. Wow!
Weight: 14 pounds 9 ounces 25th-50th%
Height: 25.25 inches/64 cm 50th-75th%
Head Circumference: 17 inches/43 cm 75th%
He also received his second round of the DTaP and PC Immunizations. He was pretty upset by the shots and was a little cranky when we got home but then he and I went and took a 2.5 hour nap together and he woke up happy again. That reminds me...we discussed his sleeping habits. He was sleeping about 6-7 hours straight at night starting at around 8 p.m. and was only waking up once to eat in the middle of the night (totally manageable) but since I have been at work he as been not going to sleep until 10 p.m. and has been restlessly sleeping and waking up often though not to eat. He still only eats once a night. She said this could be because he wants more mommy cuddle time or because of teething or because of trying to master new developmental skills like sitting up or crawling or all three at once. It is fairly common at four months to go through a sleep regression. She suggested returning to co-sleeping since he has been in his crib. We are thinking about it but will see how the next couple of weeks go.
Finally she said to wait to start solids until 6 months to prevent food allergies. She says this to all her patients (and it is the APA recommendation) but she really suggested it for Jaxon since he seems to already have reactions to food in my breast milk. So I will have to wait to try my baby food making skills for a couple more months. I am so excited to try out my new Beaba Babycook that Shirley got Jax and I for Christmas. We also got some organic baby food cook books and a Fresh Baby So Easy baby food making kit but alas we must wait until it is a good time for Jaxon's health to start solids.
I still can't believe he is four months old. Wow!
Friday, December 12, 2008
Baby Hercules
Sorry but I had to share this. This photo made me think of the Greek Myth of Hercules. He always wore the Nemain lion like this in the pictures. Jaxon has a bath towel that makes it look like he is baby Hercules. So cute!
On the Move...Or At Least Trying to Be. :)
Jaxon has been working on several developmental milestones lately. First he has been working on his back to tummy roll. As of last night he gets about 3/4 of the way around and then has trouble completing the roll because he hasn't figured out how to move his arm out of the way. Once that small obstacle is overcome I think he will be rolling over regularly. He tries often to do it and is getting further each day to making it all the way over (with his parents and grandparents cheering him on like he is an Olympic athlete running the race of his life). It is funny to me how such small accomplishments seem so big when it is your child doing them. I have been filming his attempts and plan to get the actual roll when he can do it. I will post them all when I get a spare moment.
The second feat he is attempting to accomplish is crawling. Now this is in its very beginning stages but I see it starting to happen. When in tummy time he is pushing up off his feet, putting his little butt up in the air and sometimes is face planting. He also is getting up on his knees sometimes too and is scooting backwards. If he has something or someone to push off of he is also propelling himself forward very clumsily. I know it will be a few months still before he is mobile but I can see it coming sooner than I expected. Time is flying and my little boy is growing up so quickly. I think it is time to start thinking about baby proofing the house. Yikes!
The second feat he is attempting to accomplish is crawling. Now this is in its very beginning stages but I see it starting to happen. When in tummy time he is pushing up off his feet, putting his little butt up in the air and sometimes is face planting. He also is getting up on his knees sometimes too and is scooting backwards. If he has something or someone to push off of he is also propelling himself forward very clumsily. I know it will be a few months still before he is mobile but I can see it coming sooner than I expected. Time is flying and my little boy is growing up so quickly. I think it is time to start thinking about baby proofing the house. Yikes!
Thursday, December 11, 2008
4 Month Birthday!
4 months!!! Can you believe it. My little man is four months old already. Wow! It has just flown by. People have always said that they grow up fast and they weren't kidding. It seems like I just had Jaxon. He is officially now turning into a baby instead of a newborn. He is starting to do things and learn stuff at an alarming rate. In the next couple of months he will be starting solids, sitting up, crawling, and beginning to try to talk. It is just so crazy to me to think that he getting close to doing these things.
Anyway...I love you Jaxon and I am so happy to see you growing up into such a smart and curious boy. :)
Anyway...I love you Jaxon and I am so happy to see you growing up into such a smart and curious boy. :)
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Wordless Wednesday #5: Santa's Little Helper
Friday, December 5, 2008
Hi Ho! Hi Ho! It's Off to Work I Go...
This is the end of a very long week. This week I went back to work. On Monday I started back on a non-student staff work day, which was nice because I could plan and get a handle on everything before my students came back on Tuesday. It was so hard to leave Jaxon. I haven't been away from him any longer than one day (in a row) for a maximum of 8 hours (two Seahawks games) so going full time (5 days a week at least 8 hours a day plus commuting) was a bit of a shock. I cried on Saturday, Sunday, and then again while I was driving to work. It was a lot harder than I thought but I knew he was in good hands. His Grandma Shirley came up to stay with us for the week to watch him. She will be doing this for the 3 weeks in December that I work before Winter Break. This is because Drew is working his holiday hours and is unable to take off to watch Jaxon 3 days a week as we plan to do in January (she will watch him the other 2 days until June). We are so grateful that Drew's mom is willing to do this as it not only saves us much needed money but it prevents me from worrying excessively since I know Jaxon is with someone who loves him immensely. I am sad not to spend my days with my son anymore but I am fortunate in that I get breaks in my schedule throughout the year so I will get weeks off with him here and there. So in two weeks I will have two weeks off, then another week off with him in February and the end of March, and finally, summer vacation of course. Not everyone gets this so I should be appreciative of that time.
Another issue with going back to work is the pumping at work to continue breastfeeding. I want to keep breastfeeding him until at least 6 months for several reasons including the health benefits to Jaxon, the intense bonding for us when I get home from work, and the cost (uhhh...can you say free food?). However, it is extremely time consuming at work and I have limited time without my students and that is supposed to be plan time (I am using it to pump). I feel like I am constantly on the go between pumping for 20 minutes 2-3 times a day and then teaching. After 5 days I feel very tired but I think I will get the hang of it eventually and I will learn to use my time wisely so I can plan too. I know it is the best thing to be doing and I want to do it...I just need to adjust to all of the changes and demands now that I am a working mommy.
Finally, Jaxon has had to make some adjustments too. The first day he really didn't eat while I was gone and then ate once an hour until bed to make up for the lost calories when I got home. The next day he ate but then took long naps. Three of the nights he decided to stay up until 10:00 (his normal bedtime is 7:30 or 8:00) I think maybe to see me more but we aren't sure. Either way he has had an interesting week too but I think he did great considering. His Grandma Shirley takes great care of him so I think it has been pretty smooth overall.
At the end of this very long week I can say three things:
1. I miss my baby boy so much while I'm gone it hurts. I wish I could work part time (I do love my job).
2. Thank you Grandma Shirley for watching him for us. We love you lots!
3. My students are great this year (though there are too many of them-class size is large) and I think I will adjust eventually. I just need to learn to balance my two lives better.
I think over time it will get better...I hope!
Another issue with going back to work is the pumping at work to continue breastfeeding. I want to keep breastfeeding him until at least 6 months for several reasons including the health benefits to Jaxon, the intense bonding for us when I get home from work, and the cost (uhhh...can you say free food?). However, it is extremely time consuming at work and I have limited time without my students and that is supposed to be plan time (I am using it to pump). I feel like I am constantly on the go between pumping for 20 minutes 2-3 times a day and then teaching. After 5 days I feel very tired but I think I will get the hang of it eventually and I will learn to use my time wisely so I can plan too. I know it is the best thing to be doing and I want to do it...I just need to adjust to all of the changes and demands now that I am a working mommy.
Finally, Jaxon has had to make some adjustments too. The first day he really didn't eat while I was gone and then ate once an hour until bed to make up for the lost calories when I got home. The next day he ate but then took long naps. Three of the nights he decided to stay up until 10:00 (his normal bedtime is 7:30 or 8:00) I think maybe to see me more but we aren't sure. Either way he has had an interesting week too but I think he did great considering. His Grandma Shirley takes great care of him so I think it has been pretty smooth overall.
At the end of this very long week I can say three things:
1. I miss my baby boy so much while I'm gone it hurts. I wish I could work part time (I do love my job).
2. Thank you Grandma Shirley for watching him for us. We love you lots!
3. My students are great this year (though there are too many of them-class size is large) and I think I will adjust eventually. I just need to learn to balance my two lives better.
I think over time it will get better...I hope!
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Monday, December 1, 2008
My New Life Begins...
Figuratively and realistically...
It was a year ago today that Jaxon was conceived. I still didn't find out for two weeks but he still was there...little cells dividing to become my little boy. Pretty cool when you think about it.
It was a year ago today that Jaxon was conceived. I still didn't find out for two weeks but he still was there...little cells dividing to become my little boy. Pretty cool when you think about it.
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