All day today I have been thinking about this year and how quickly it has gone by now that I am at the end of it but during the year it seemed to go by so slowly. It seems I spent most of the year waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting...to meet Jaxon. All I did was imagine what he looked like, what he would be like, what my life would be like, etc. I never wanted something to be here so badly as my son. I have always wanted children though I always knew it would be near my 30th birthday. I had many things I wanted to do and have accomplished first and I was fortunate enough to have done those things first (spend alone time with Drew, travel, get my Masters, etc.). So by the time I got pregnant I felt like I had been waiting forever to meet him but really it was only 38 weeks. Many things happened to my body and mind during that 38 weeks. I was very ill for the first trimester, very happy and excited for the second trimester, and went through a change of mind about my birth experience in the third trimester. The thing I am most proud of was the birth experience I planned for myself and Jaxon. I still think that everyone needs to do whatever way that makes sense for their lives when it comes to the birth of their children. No two births are the same even with the same mom. For me it was important to have it be as natural as I could while being safe. I wanted to be present in mind and body during this life changing event. I wanted to be cognizant of his birth and I wanted to be alert and mobile during our first hours and days together. I wanted him to be the same and to have the best start possible for this life of his. I was fortunate in that it all went to plan and Jaxon & I had an amazing birth experience. I still can't believe I left the birth center 4 hours after he was born but that was how amazing the whole experience was.
Ever since Jaxon arrived in August the time has just flown by. I can't recall a time in my life where the time has literally gone by in what seems like a blink of an eye. I remember him coming early which totally fits with his personality now that I know him. He is full of life and curiosity, constantly attempting things beyond his age with a fierce stubbornness and a of course a mild frustration in the beginning at his lack of ability to be successful. He is impatient and wants to be in total control of his body, his life, and his place in the world (sounds like his mother in that respect). It seems so obvious to me now that my son would show up 2 weeks early to this show called life. And I am so glad he did because I, like him, am impatient for the events in my life to unfold. It also meant that I got to spend two extra weeks with him before going back to work and yes...I am a little greedy about my time with him. I look forward to getting to know him and his unique personality more. The better I know who he is and how he operates, the easier it will be for me to guide him through this life. I am a firm believer in accepting your children for who they are versus what you wish they would be.
In his short time here on our planet Jaxon has made quite an impact on those around him. Being the first grandchild on both sides of the family and the first great grandchild on Drew's side has made him the object of everyone's adoration, something that he seems to enjoy and actually he now thinks is the norm for all of humankind, not just our family. Everyone is Jaxon's friend and playmate if they devote their attention to him. This was something that I realized quickly when we were at Children's Hospital this week. Jaxon was so highly social with all the doctors and nurses who were prodding and inspecting him that I couldn't believe it but then after reflection I realized that he has an adult's undivided attention at all times and a wide variety of them at that. He just thinks that it is normal to be passed around to different people who make him laugh and smile at all times. I would say that this concerns me in that I don't want him to be spoiled but then I think what can be so wrong with my child being loved by so many people. The end result so far is a happy and very charming baby. A baby that I am proud to say is mine.
When I think back to last year at this time and all the hope and apprehension about becoming a parent or what kind of parent I would be, I find myself smiling. I have never enjoyed anything more then the challenge of being a parent. It isn't easy but all of the demands and challenges are worth the smiles, giggles, laughs, and looks of love that your child gives you. As for my parenting or Drew's, I am so proud of our team effort approach and the fact that Jax has two parents who are deeply involved in his upbringing. It is going better then I could have imagined.
For all the waiting, to get pregnant and to be pregnant, I have to say that it is all entirely worth it. I loved 2008. I have now experienced one of the greatest things I could have done in my life...bringing another life and soul into this world. I loved the whole process. I am excited to see what 2009 brings but I will never forget 2008 and how it was the most life changing year of my life (and it was hard to beat 2007 for that title).
So my quote for to represent this year is one that I have known for years but it now has significance to me. You cannot truly understand the intense love and joy you feel being a parent until you are one. I hope that all those who wish to have this experience are able to do so because it just seems to me to be what we are here to do and life becomes more clearly focused when you have a baby but I am sappy like that.
"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." ~Elizabeth Stone
Happy New Year Everyone!
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