To Cry or Not to Cry? That is the Question.

There comes a point in most parents' lives when the nightly grind of a small infant starts to wear on them. They miss the sleep they had in their pre-baby lives. Trust me I know. I am there about 2-3 times a week. Nights where I have to get up to feed Jaxon and go to work early the next morning. I have been struggling with it lately, as I know many of my real life and online mommy friends have been to. I think my struggles mainly have to do with me going back to work and not necessarily with Jaxon waking up once at night. I know that is what babies do. I am just so tired some days though.

And so then what are we to do? Most of the time the next step is to try Cry It Out. I have been contemplating this as an option for Jax and every time I think about it I just can't picture doing it. So I start to look into it again. I do what I do and I read about it. Drew and I are strong believers in Attachment Parenting, though we don't practice it to the letter, we do believe strongly in the philosophy of listening to your instincts and of believing that babies aren't manipulative just babies AND BABIES ARE DEPENDENT ON THEIR PARENTS.

The other part of it is teaching them to sleep. The other day while looking into this topic I read this quote:

"Popular Belief: If you don't let them cry it out then they will have a difficult time learning how to put themselves to sleep.

A child of that age has not the capacity to feed himself, change himself or take care of any of his own physical needs, why on Earth should he be expected to be able to comfort himself?"

I just thought it made so much sense. Why are we in such a rush to make our small babies act like adults? They aren't adults. They are babies. I don't expect him to feed himself or use the toilet. Why should I expect him to sleep as long as I do? Scratch that...longer than I do.

So if we have been practicing this style of parenting with Jaxon for 6 months and it seems to be working with his high needs nature then why would we change it up on him all of a sudden and ask him to cry it out? I just don't think we have it in us to go through with it. I brought it up to Drew and he thought it was the worst idea ever. So NOT us and so NOT our baby. That is why I love my husband. He is the perfect partner in parenting for me. We are just on the same wave-length without even trying. I don't even think Drew knows that he is practicing Attachment Parenting because he just does it naturally.

Anyway...back to my thinking. I went back to the Dr. Sears website and read up on their thoughts on Cry It Out. It was great for me to do. I need that sometimes. A reminder in my parenting philosophy. To remember what I signed up for when I decided to have a baby. I need to trust myself. Follow my instincts. If I can't picture going through with it then how am I actually going to do it? I know Drew won't be able to.

So what now? So many times I try to fit some mold that is not me. I do things the way I think is best and then I question myself because I don't know of anyone else doing it that way. This has never been more true than in parenting. I have decided once again to change my expectations of what my son is "supposed" to do. He is baby. He sleeps 7-8 hours straight most nights (+ 4 more after eating) which is longer than I sleep at night. He is only a baby for such a short time and soon I won't get to hold him while he sleeps in my arms. I won't get to breastfeed him. I won't get all this time back that is really just a blip in the course of his life and mine. So I have decided to enjoy my times with him at night. To consider it bonding time where I get to cuddle my baby and bring him comfort when he is upset. I know it is not the "way" that most go about it as there is this huge pressure to have a baby who sleeps through the night but I just don't think forcing it to happen is the way we will get it to happen in our family. We will just have to be patient and help Jaxon enjoy sleeping then work on the length. I just think it is what is best for our family and our son.

So that was my thinking out loud (or in a blog) about our decision not to use Cry It Out and why. Mostly it just isn't us and I just don't think it will work on Jaxon anyway. More power to those parents who it does work for. To each his own. :)